Friday, October 26, 2007


A shocking update to the Zombie Defence Station story. It was mentioned.... wait for it.... on the RADIO! Yeah the radio. Some radio personality included it in their often inane chatter. And what's better is that someone from Craftster who has seen the kit heard it on the radio and recognised it. I'm pretty stunned.

In other news I'm in the middle of packing and I'm hating it. I'm all alone, chilly, feeling sick to my stomache, and upset about moving. I really wish I could talk to or get a hug from certain people right now. I don't know how I'm going to be able to go back to being alone again. The thought of it really scares me.


Turns out the radio station 104.1 The Blaze is an internet radio station. So I guess my dream of being broadcast through the atmosphere isn't yet fullfilled.

I got Dugg!

Wow the most amazing thing happened yesterday. A few days ago I posted my Emergency Zombie Defense Station on Craftster to show it off. It was an instant hit and I had several pages of feedback in a days time. After 5 or 6 pages over 2 days the replies stopped, but it continued to have lots of views. A couple thousand, more than anything else on page 1 of the miscellaneous section. Well all of that took a shocking change.

Someone posted my kit on this site called Digg. Near as I can tell it's a site where people post interesting things that they find on the internet and other people can check them out and say if they "digg it" or not. Well as of writing this there have been almost 200,000 views. So many views that the Craftster website was noticably slow yesterday and that I ran out of bandwidth on my free Photobucket account and had to spend a couple bucks to upgrade to the Pro version.

Of course most of the people commenting on the Digg site were jerks or had critisism, but what can you do? You can read all about it here and it will also link you to my Craftster posting.

I also realised that I unintentially used the American spelling of "Defense" instead of "Defence". I wonder if the spell check changed it for me or something. I usually try to stick to the English spelling of words. Oh well, the person I made it for is American and I wasn't about to recut the stencil for mine ;)

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Buying lumber and measuring wood

Why is it that every time I go to Home Hardware to buy some wood for a project I end up having to prove my manly worth to a bunch of surly low paid lumber yard jocks?

I'm building a new floor for my bunny cage for when I move out and I needed some plywood and a few boards. I went to Home Hardware and I was met with minimal customer service. I told the guy what size I needed and without asking me any other questions he gave me a bill to have paid at the front. Turns out I didn't really get what I wanted. The boards I got were really rough and not what I expected. I'm not sure how the guy came to the conclusion that I wanted some narled wood without feeling the need to ask me.

After paying for said wood comes the fun part. Driving into the lumber yard to pick it up. Right off the bat I didn't even know where to drive to get inside the fence. I found it, but only after going the wrong way. Once inside it gets dubious. There was a little shack labeled "Customer Service", it was uninhabitated and there was nobody around it. I have no idea what the etiquette for being in the lumber yard is. It's like if you went to a resturant and were told to go pick up your food from the chef in the kitchen and he wasn't there. Do you go looking for him? Well I did, I was getting pretty fed up with the poor help I was receiving and I wanted to go home.

I spotted a pair of slackers chatting by a forklift and began to approach them. I started to get nervous because neither one of them acknowledged me or moved to intercept me. I kept walking or rather I mantained my stride and stood tall and firm. This is why I hate buying wood, because in order to get any help you have to show that you have a pair. Not only a BIG pair but you also need to whip it out and have it measured in order to prove you are worthy of buying such a manly product as lumber. I have to talk in short cool sentances. I have to move with confidance and appear physically tough. I need to act like I know everything about lumber, tools, and building everything. If I don't I'll be eatten alive and end up with something of no use to me.

It almost happened too. He almost cut the wood the wrong way, but I stopped him. He set me up by asking me to get a pencil from my truck. While I was gone he used his own and marked the wood where he was going to cut it. It was a test perhaps or maybe a challenge. I stopped him and had him mark it elsewhere to avoid ending up with plywood cut into a shape that would make it useless for my purposes.

He still got the last laugh. He choose the boards I needed and brought them to me. "Wait here" he said. He came back with two rough and splintered 1X4's. One of them has a big chunk missing out of the middle of it. What can I do? The guy inside sold me this rubbish wood and the guy outside can't do anything about it. After all he has a get out of responsiblity free card in the form of a green invoice. He dosen't make changes, it's not his job.

I think I can work with what I got in the end. I'll cut off the really bad parts of the boards and I'll sand them until they aren't a sliver hazard. I hate being a guy and having to deal with other guys. It always come down to the size of one's penis.

Monday, October 22, 2007

My boots will never again be caked in flour

Today was my last day at work. It didn't sink in until the last half an hour that I was really about to leave and not come back. Seems strange to not mix dough every morning. I guess it became routine.

It seems every job I get becomes harder to quit then the last one. When I left Piranha I went around to everyone's desk and said goodbye as though I may never see them again. This time at Cobs it was even harder. There is even less chance of seeing many of them again so there was a lot of hugging. Yeah, I've reached a point in my life where quitting a job has become a very emotional experience.

I'm going to pop in during the week one last time to see everyone. I really feel bad about leaving them all.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Perler Beads

I bought some perler beads in order to make some awesome NES style Nintendo characters to turn into fridge magnets and such. They are plastic beads that fuse together when ironed. You place them on a pegboard in the position you want them to fuse together in and then melt the beads with an iron. Unfortunately all of the pegboards that come with the set are too small for most Nintendo graphics. Perler Beads makes a larger board that can be connected to other boards to make as big of a board as you need. However neither Michael's or Walmart sell them so I can't make any crafts :( I've looked at mail ordering them, but until I have a more permanant residence I can't order anything. Maybe Toys R Us would sell them?

Thursday, October 18, 2007

The people I work with *rolls eyes*

Today at work I found out that yesterday during my day off Bec, the Australian girl, mentioned something about Tasmanian Devils and everyone thought she was just making it up. Nobody at Cobs thought a tasmanian devil was anything more than a cartoon character and they laughed at her. Of course she proved them all wrong on the store's computer. Needless to say I was pretty stunned and disapointed when I found out.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Feeling obligated

Sorry I haven't posted in a few days. I guess I don't have much to say. I'm still pretty caught up in moving and stuff.

I only have 5 more days of work left. That's something I look forward to being finished with. I'd really like to not have my Doc Martins covered in dough and flour for a change. However I'm training my replacement at work so I have to talk all day and I just can't do it. My throat hurts. Only one week to go.

I realised today that it's almost been 6 months since I broke up with my girlfriend. Why the fuck am I still so hung up on that? Half a year is a long time to not be myself or to be at my best. I wish I could just move on and not think about it so much. I guess it's hard because a part of me doesn't want to move on. Sometimes I really bother myself with my stupid anticts.

The bunnies are well and we're spending more time together. I can't wait until I have a place to let them run around in. We're bonding a lot and both of them are really being more affectionate towards me and letting me pet them back.

I'm going to donate blood again this week. Either tomorrow or the day after. I hope it remains a positive experience for me. In case you're shopping for a gift for me my size is O positive.

Dispite my extreme resistance towards thinking about this xmas I have started to come up with some ideas for gifts for people. I'll have to wait and see how I feel about handling the holiday this year. I think it's going to be very difficult.

I don't know if I should start packing my stuff or what just yet. I don't really know what I'm going to do moving wise right now. I need to hear back from the company that will help me find a place. I really don't have any possesions anymore so I could probably pack to move in less than a couple hours. I'll be spending a few days at Ikea once I settle in somewhere.

Generally speaking I'm just trying to roll with the punches right now. Either that or my face has gone numb and the punches just don't hurt me anymore. Life is doing it's thing and I'm just watching off to the side so that it doesn't try to leave without me. I really want a place that feels like home again.

Thursday, October 11, 2007

I feel crummy

I've been worried about moving all day and thusly my tummy is twisted in knots :(

I realized that one of the things that bothers me about working at Radical is that it's a huge commitment. I've made some big commitments before, like going to school and moving in with Syd, but this time I'm really stressed out about it. When I was reading the contract it said that if I leave Radical for any reason within 2 years I have to pay back the $5000 relocation costs. 2 years! I'm going to be working at Radical for at least 2 years!

Of course I want to be able to work some place and like working there for a long time, I just never have had a job for very long before leaving it. In fact the longest job I've ever had was 8 month, and every other job I left in less than half of that time. I usually get sick of a job after 3 months and drudge through it towards a light at the end of the tunnel where I have something else planned and a reason to quit.

I'm going to be commited to working at Radical and living in Vancouver for a long time. That really scares me. More than any other commitment I've ever made. Knowing that I definately won't be coming back to Ontario upsets me. While there was never really a possibility of me moving back at least it wasn't a 0% chance. I'm never going to hand out halloween candy or be there to help the kids grow up. I didn't get to eat at a chip truck or go to the ROM or see much of Peterborough, which I planned on living in. I'm closing a door by taking this job and moving away. I feel really panicked.

Another thing I realized was that unlike moving to Ontario where once I got there I would be met with loved ones and be able to relax, instead I have to work to get settled by myself. I don't really feel up to going on a big adventure alone. I never expected to be moving back to Vancouver without Sydney, but it's even worse to move without anyone at all.

I really need to calm down, but it's so difficult. Everything feels so final all of a sudden. I'm settling down before I feel ready to. I really hope I can find some close friends in all the people I know living in Vancouver. I really need to be hugged for a long time.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I love you all

It's funny how moving to Vancouver makes me miss everyone in Ontario I've already moved away from even more. I'm feeling really down lately. I miss everyone more than I've realized in the last few weeks. I guess moving to Vancouver is the sign that I'm finally moving on with my life and my transition period is ending. I'm just not ready to move on yet I guess. I love you all, everyone who reads this blog to hear about how I'm doing, and I really wish I could be with you right now. I hold all of you deep in my heart.

Friday, October 5, 2007

Good news on top of a bad day

Well I guess I got a whack of good news today. It's funny because my stomache is in knots still, and I feel really depressed. First off Griffin phoned me to thank me for her brithday card, which was really sweet and made me teary afterwards. Second I got my Zombie swap package, which I'll post a photo of. And last of all I got a reply from Radical and they are going to give me an offer next week. I managed to get the job, so hurray!

Life is throwing too much at me at once and it makes me feel sick inside.

Unhappy with myself

I've been very aware of my height lately. I notice that everyone needs my help to reach stuff and I'm often asked how tall I am. It really makes me feel uncomfortable because I'm so much taller than an average height. I don't feel like a very big person on the inside and people don't seem to realize that I might be sensitive about that sort of thing. You don't ask a short person how tall they are or fat person how much they weigh.

Last week at work I was brought to tears when I was interupted on my break twice to help someone reach something. I ended up staying in the bathroom for most of my break so that no one would know.

Today at work we had a guy from one of the coast bakeries come up to see how we do things in Kelowna. He's taller than I am by a couple inches. He might be 6'6". After seeing him today wearing the same 'not quite long enough' clothing and with the same skinny build I have I realized how freakishly tall I must look too.

I can totally understand how Sydney and I didn't work out. I don't find tall people attractive either. It's just gross, and this is coming from a tall person. The reason I often feel lanky and gangly is because I am and it shows. I always wear loose fitting bulky clothes just to try and conceal how tall and disproportionate I am. I now understand how people can say I'm a good looking guy, but have no real interest in me. Very few people would want to be with someone tall.

And of course it doesn't help that there is nothing I can do about it. This is what real upsets me. If you're short you can wear boots or heels to gain a little extra height. When you're tall what do you do? Go barefoot? It's the same thing with having red hair. If you don't have red hair you can colour your hair red. In fact you can make it any colour you want. But when you have red hair and freckles and a pale complection you're not fooling anyone if you change something.

I'm stuck with who I am and I don't like it. In fact it's really upsetting me and I don't know how to feel better. Being tall sucks!

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Back from Vancouver

I got back from Vancouver last night. I think my job interview went well and I should be hearing from them early next week about whether I got the job or not. I hope I did.

It was nice to see a bunch of my friends and to go out for sushi the night before the interview. Things haven't changed too much from how I remembered it.

However seeing the city itself filled me with mixed emotions. On the one hand it was really great to be back in Vancouver and to see all sorts of familiar places and landmarks. It felt good, but it was also bittersweet. I never expected to be back in Vancouver alone. So many memories were jogged and it became a bit overwhelming. It's going to be tough to live there again. It made me really wish things were different in my life. It feels like they should be.