Still looking...

Still no word on getting a job yet. Yesterday I applied at COBS and Starbucks in person and they both seemed interested but I haven't gotten any calls yet. Hopefuly soon I get work so I can start saving money.

I've been exercising a lot lately. My body is aching, but in a good way. I hope to regain some stamina, strength, and lose some body fat. I've been really watching what I eat and doing all manners of exercise. On Tuesday I walked for an hour and jumped on the trampoline for 10 minutes. Wednessday I did an hour of Wii Boxing, 10 minutes on the trampoline, and about 5 minutes lifting weights. Nothing too fancy just reps of 10 pound weights to strengthen my arms and shoulders. Yesterday I went for a 2 hour bike ride through town as I applied at places. After I got home and did 5 to 10 minutes of weight lifting and after dinner I went for a half hour walk with my sister. So I'm pretty happy with myself. Now I just need to keep it up.

I posted pictures of my Battlestar Galactica shirt on Craftster and everyone loves it. I've already gotten 2 marriage proposals ;)

Here's a shot of me in it.

Looking for work

Hi. My name in John. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.

I'm trying to work on the first part so that I can deal with the second part. I'm looking for a job right now. Any job will do. I really want something simple, new, and fun. I've applied at a couple places but I'm really hoping to hear back from COBS Bakery. I really want to be a baker and I want to work mornings. I really hope I get a call from them soon.

Aside from scrambling for a job I'm just trying to survive at home. I really miss being independant and I'm having a hard time dealing with all the "rules" around here. I just want to do things my own way and be left alone in peace and quiet. I'm really missing Sydney and her family too. This is really hard and I've been down this road before. Last time I moved across the country to live with her. This time I don't have that option. It's just going to be a long hard year before her schooling is over and she can even consider moving out west again. *sigh*

On the positive side the Bunnies are doing well. See.

BBQ

Today was a busy day. I started off surfing the web and doing whatever on the computer. Just after lunch I went for an hour long bike ride down a hilly road with lots of traffic and no shoulder to ride on. It was fun and shocking. I'm really out of shape. My leg muscles were burning and I found myself out of breath easily on hills. Afterwards my legs were like jelly. I need to go biking more often. A few times a week, maybe alternate between riding and walking.

When I got back guests for the BBQ started arriving. My aunt Pat and uncle Bob, cousins Tami and Dan, Grandparents, Sister's boyfriend, and many of my parents friends were there. About 20-25 of us in total. I was pretty overwhelmed and had 3 beers ;)

I got to explain my situation and future plans to nearly everyone. I had to take frequent breaks from the party. It was tough, and I appreciate everyone's support but I just don't want to hear it right now. I don't like being told what's good for me and what I should do.

As mentioned I met Kristen's boyfriend Brett today. Seems like a nice guy, I didn't get to talk with him too much though. I don't know if he was overwhelmed by everyone or just shy. It felt a little weird though to see my sister with a boyfriend. Just new to me, I'm sure she felt like that with me too.

Anyway off to bed soon. I'm going to try and blog in the evenings before bed, do a little recap of the day. G'night!

Bunny Cage / Computer Desk

Here are some pictures of my new bunny cage / computer desk. Now the buns and I can hang out while I play World of Warcraft!

Moved back to B.C.

Yes it's true I have moved back to B.C.

I arrived yesterday and spent the rest of that day getting a cage setup for the bunnies. It took me until midnight my time to finish, but that was only 9:00 PM here so everyone was still up while I was nearly passing out. I don't really want to have to adjust to this time zone.

I'm missing everyone in Barrie like crazy. All of my family, friends, and the people I know at the shops I like to frequent. I miss Sydney more than anything and I feel like it's only going to get worse as the gravity of the stiutation becomes more real. Moving away is a very difficult thing to do.

Ruined T-shirt

Well I haven't even worn my Ben Folds shirt yet and already I ruined it.

After painting a shirt it needs to wait 72 hours before it can be washed. Before washing it the first time it need to be heat set so that the paint adheres really well. This is done by just ironing the shirt with a pillow case or something thin over top of the paint.

However I used a different type of paint on my Ben Folds shirt. Michaels ran out of black matte paint so I bought a velveteen paint thinking that it would do just fine. It seems that the velveteen paint just can't be heat set, as you can see below. It bubbled up and went all puffy and gross, so I'm going to have to redo the whole the shirt :(

Been a few days...

So it's been a few days since my last post. I'm amazed at how that time went by so quickly. I guess I haven't been on the computer in a few days.

Well not too much has happened, but at the same time lots is going on. I booked my flight back to BC. A big, difficult step towards being alone again. Mind you I won't be alone I'm going to live with my parents through the summer and get a Joe job somewhere. It's been a pretty sad couple of days though at times. Tim came up from London yesterday for Connell's birthday party and an early father's day party. I said goodbye to him this morning because I won't be seeing him again before I leave. That was tough. We haven't had enough time together but he has been a second father to me.

Connell's party went really well though. His grandparents came over and we had a full house of guests. We had a lovely dinner, one of the best I've had in a long time. I think everyone had a lot of fun, it was really nice to be a part of it.

I'm starting to pack up. I need to get a large box to take with me on the plane for my computer and rabbit hutch, but aside from that I think I've got everything I need together. I'll have a ship a box or two by greyhound, but I had to do that when I moved out here too.

Nothing planned for today, maybe give Cory and Robyn a call tonight to see if they want to get together before I leave. That friendship has gone downhill somewhat since the breakup :(. We just haven't kept in touch. Tomorrow we are all heading to Kirkfield for father's day with Melody's parents and family. It's going to be tough when we head home because I won't be seeing them again before my flight on Thursday.

Finally Photos!

Hey I found the camera and got some pictures posted. Awesome now my blog isn't just boring old text about my stinky old feelings!

This first picture is really freakin' cool. Those are little shrimp made out of bendy straws. Pretty neat huh? It's like origami but with straws. There is nothing but cutting and folding, no glue or tape. They are my first three atempts so thy aren't great, but I'm going to try some more. They are pretty cute.

The two pictures below are obviously my Bob Ross and Ben Folds shirts. The Ben Folds shirt look really bad in this picture, I don't think it is as hard to see in real life, but it isn't as clear as I would have liked. I'm thinking about the text I want to add to it. Probably "Rock This Bitch" because it's a trademark of his live shows. I need to be less uptight about wearing a shirt with bitch written on it ;)

Another Day

So yesterday night I painted my Ben Folds shirt. It turned out nice, but it can be tough to see if the light isn't on it because the shirt is brown and the paint is black. I used a paint with a velveteen finish instead of a matte, which is why it only reflects the light at certain angles. But overall I like it. I'd post some pictures but I don't know where the camera is. Darn.

I started knitting the sweater I was going to make for Syd. I'm working with a really nice deep purple yarn. I think it will be quite nice when it's finished. However it will take some time as I've never knit anything this big before.

I also made a Craftster account, which really doesn't mean much because I haven't posted anything yet, but I will soon.

I'm going to start packing my stuff up again. I started a while back thinking I would be moving sooner. It's tough to stay here and even tougher to leave, but in order to get on with my life I have to go. I think I'll book a flight so I have a deadline to work towards.

Speaking of deadlines I think it's safe to say I won't be finishing that article for AI Wisdom 4. That is really unfortunate as that was a really exciting prospect and would have been a big boost to my resume. However I have totally lost faith and interest in myself since the breakup and I just couldn't bring myself to focus on it when my whole world falling apart around me. I'll probably regret not doing it later, but right now it's not the biggest issue in my life. I feel bad for letting everyone down though :(

I think once I get back home with my parents and I get a job I'll be distracted enough to function. I find it really tough to stay here now because I spend most of the day with Sydney, but we aren't really having fun doing it. I just don't know what else to do and I feel really terrible that we aren't able to make the most of our time together. I don't think we can get excited about spending time together again unless we don't get it very often.

Yesterday's achievements, today's goals

Yesterday was a challenge to stay occupied and productive. I started off by making myself a new hemp necklace with the hemp and beads that Maclean and Griffin got me for Xmas or my Birthday. I don't actually recall which it was because when I got back after the holidays I was bombarded with a backlog of gifts. I really wish I had stayed in Ontario for the holidays. I didn't know this was going to be my only Xmas or Birthday with Sydney :(

After the necklace was done and How It's Made was over (good idea for a show, but bad presentation and topics) I did some work on my stenciled T-shirts. I added the text "Happy Little Shirt" to my Bob Ross shirt. Anyone who has seen the show knows that as he paints he calls things happy little trees and happy little clouds. Anyway I think it's funny and a Bob Ross fan would likely think so too! I'll have to take an updated picture of me in it and post it here. I also cut out some of the stencil for my Ben Folds shirt, but never got to ironing it down.

I think I'm going to join Craftster as well. It's a huge crafting forum and it might give me an outlet to try new things and to find fun new projects. I'll be able to communicate with people and hear other people's complements on my stuff too :) I was hesitant about doing it because Sydney has become an active member of it, but I like crafts too so why not. I used to make stuff all the time as a kid and I still like doing it. It's a good way to always have a project to work on and to make mistakes doing it. So what if a craft doesn't turn out like I wanted it to, I have to try to find out.

Not really sure what I'll be doing today. Tim is coming over for the day, along with Melody's work friend Jezzell. So today might be a little awkward as I suspect I will be reminded of the breakup a fair bit. I'll do my best though :)

Talked with my Ontario Mummy

Well it hasn't been long since my last post, but I had a talk with Melody and I feel good about my plan. She is proud of me for realizing so many things that she only discovered latter in life. She really is a second mum to me and I wish things had worked out differently.

I know her approval of me has made things harder on Sydney. She felt a lot of pressure from her family to stick with me. That likely made things worse on her end, but it always gave me a source of inspiration. I think I need to tell them that Sydney didn't mean to have this happen, and that her family should support her if she chooses to be with someone else and not to play favorites and make her feel guilty about it.

So far today I've eatten two, that's right TWO apples. Something I've never had a big interest in eatting in recent years, due to my teeth hurting when I bite into something hard. I hope I can continue to eat fruit everyday.

I should also mention that I have increased my water intake by about a bazillion percent. I now walk around everywhere with a bottle of water and I constantly refill it as I drink it. I've sort of been fasting the last few days as I have zero appetite, and I think the water has been a huge part of that. I'd really like to be able to eat less in general but also to eat more healthy food. I know it isn't healthy to not eat, but I figure that if I don't have an appetite anyway I may as well lose some of that belly fat I have. Then once I feel like eating again I can begin exercising.

Hmm it's really too bad I won't be able to play DDR anymore. The dance mats are Sydney's, the game is Aaron's, and the Playstation is Connell's. Hmm three strikes against me. I will likely go for walks instead and try to work up to jogging, but I'll really miss playing DDR. I guess it's for the best though it really reminds me of Sydney. We went to the arcade a fair bit when we were first in love, playing DDR always stirs those emotions up again. However I guess I'm ending up with "Gracie", our Wii, so I can get back on my daily routine of Wii Sports. I hope I can do that without missing her. It was intended to be a gift for both of us, we were going to play Zelda together too. I hope the whole console isn't tainted now, I don't want to miss out on my favorite series.

Well damn, now I need to lighten my mood with a positive note. I'm going to go have a shower and make myself look good. I've been keeping up my appearance in order to help me feel better about myself. While I'm there I need to decide what to do today and get jazzed up about it.

Hmm, I also need to make sure I don't over do this blog either, I shouldn't be posting several times a day. I don't want to turn this into a diary and I don't want to use it as a crutch. It's a tool to help me tell you what I'm doing with my life. It needs to stay that way.

A new begining...

So this is it. I'm trying something new with this blog. A fresh start.

Those of you that know me might be aware that I moved from BC to Ontario while following my heart. Unfortunately for both Sydney and I things didn't work out. While I was in love with her, she couldn't leave the love of her life to be with me. I understand that though, Aaron and her have 4 years of history and have been through a lot together. Sydney loves him like I love her, in a soul mate sort of way, so I have to let her go. The single most painful moment of my life.

So now I'm trying to get back on track. I wrote myself 43 things on www.43things.com, you can see them here http://www.43things.com/person/BunnyInABear. I want to craft myself a new identity. I want to find myself and be less afraid of mistakes. I hope I can do it.

So one step in acheiving my goal is to tell everyone how I feel in an effort to be more outgoing. I learned a lot from Syd, and I know that I want to be more like her, but in my own way. So I'm going to try and update this thing as often as I can. Everyday I hope I have done something worth telling someone about, if not then please, PLEASE kick me in the ass!

It turns out life is a game, and I need to treat it less seriously and enjoy myself.