Well it hasn't been long since my last post, but I had a talk with Melody and I feel good about my plan. She is proud of me for realizing so many things that she only discovered latter in life. She really is a second mum to me and I wish things had worked out differently.
I know her approval of me has made things harder on Sydney. She felt a lot of pressure from her family to stick with me. That likely made things worse on her end, but it always gave me a source of inspiration. I think I need to tell them that Sydney didn't mean to have this happen, and that her family should support her if she chooses to be with someone else and not to play favorites and make her feel guilty about it.
So far today I've eatten two, that's right TWO apples. Something I've never had a big interest in eatting in recent years, due to my teeth hurting when I bite into something hard. I hope I can continue to eat fruit everyday.
I should also mention that I have increased my water intake by about a bazillion percent. I now walk around everywhere with a bottle of water and I constantly refill it as I drink it. I've sort of been fasting the last few days as I have zero appetite, and I think the water has been a huge part of that. I'd really like to be able to eat less in general but also to eat more healthy food. I know it isn't healthy to not eat, but I figure that if I don't have an appetite anyway I may as well lose some of that belly fat I have. Then once I feel like eating again I can begin exercising.
Hmm it's really too bad I won't be able to play DDR anymore. The dance mats are Sydney's, the game is Aaron's, and the Playstation is Connell's. Hmm three strikes against me. I will likely go for walks instead and try to work up to jogging, but I'll really miss playing DDR. I guess it's for the best though it really reminds me of Sydney. We went to the arcade a fair bit when we were first in love, playing DDR always stirs those emotions up again. However I guess I'm ending up with "Gracie", our Wii, so I can get back on my daily routine of Wii Sports. I hope I can do that without missing her. It was intended to be a gift for both of us, we were going to play Zelda together too. I hope the whole console isn't tainted now, I don't want to miss out on my favorite series.
Well damn, now I need to lighten my mood with a positive note. I'm going to go have a shower and make myself look good. I've been keeping up my appearance in order to help me feel better about myself. While I'm there I need to decide what to do today and get jazzed up about it.
Hmm, I also need to make sure I don't over do this blog either, I shouldn't be posting several times a day. I don't want to turn this into a diary and I don't want to use it as a crutch. It's a tool to help me tell you what I'm doing with my life. It needs to stay that way.